Hiking again.

On the trail to Castle Rock.
I haven't been posting as many pictures recently. I haven't been out hiking as much. I also haven't been taking as many pictures. I wouldn't say I'm quite over it, but familiarity does breed contempt and I have been looking at the same scenery for a year now. However, that attitude seems to stay in town. When I do get out, I'm quickly reminded of how beautiful this place is.


Linda overlooking the Ross Sea from Castle Rock.
One of my favorite things now is to go out with a FNG for a hike. They eat up anything about this place. It is the same energy and enthusiasm that I used to have. It is refreshing to see and it sparks something inside of me. Again, I'm not over Antarctica, but when I'm so tired it can be tough.


Sunset from Hut Point.
Later this week, I'm getting to head out to Cape Evans to put in the flags for the route. I haven't truly been out of town since February. This trip is kind of a coincidence because my last boondoggle in the summer was deflagging the Cape Evans route. It should be a good trip. I'm really looking forward to it. This might be just what I need to put some pep back in my step. If that doesn't work, I'll just have to keep getting more sleep.


Me.

End of Winter Ceremony

Just before winter ended, we got together for an awards ceremony to commemorate ourselves, the 53rd winter-over crew. It was an unexpected event for me. They didn’t have it at the end of summer, so I didn’t know why they would have it at the end of winter. We filed into the galley in good spirits. Winter was coming to a close and most of us were looking forward to the end. We were awarded our certificate, Antarctic Service Medal, and thank you gift in order by the number of winters completed in Antarctica. I’d guess that half of the 125 people were on their fist winter. There were plenty of second timers, but then it quickly dropped off until we had just three people with eight winters, none with nine, and just one with ten full winters. I heard a number of the first years groan and wonder if they could do this nine more times. It is an amazing commitment to the program and lifestyle.

The service medal was a surprise. I feel that medals are for the service men and women of our country that put themselves in harms way. I couldn’t believe anything about this adventure would warrant an official medal. Someone else has disagreed since 1946-47 when the participants of the US Navy’s operation High Jump under Admiral Byrd received the medal (thought it wasn’t established until 1961 by Congress which I don’t completely understand). Of course, back then there was a lot more risk so it would be more justified. Currently, anyone who serves at an Antarctic research station or vessel and remains south of 60 degrees South for at least 30 days is eligible. No one from this past summer has received them yet because there is a five year waiting list. There are less winterovers so we get them while we are here.


The Antarctic Service Medal.
The front of the medal has a man who represents courage, devotion, and honor. His uniform is modeled on the one worn by Admiral Dufek who led the advance party to establish the first permanent station at the South Pole. The ribbon is made of up five-twelfths of black and dark blue bands to represent the five months of total darkness that we experience in the winter. The medal is complimented with a clasp that says “Wintered Over” for those who spent the dark night here.


A specially made recycling container for Thank You gifts.
The best part of the ceremony was probably the thank you gift that our station manager handed out – a piece of wood with ‘Thank You’ written on it. Traditionally, the company buys an article of clothing to commemorate each year’s winterovers. Unfortunately, that was cut from the budget this year which led to some resentment. In the days following the ceremony, that resentment was transformed into some entertainment.


Another way to reuse your Thank You gift.

Dealing with FNGs

Over the winter we had an international film festival held by Antz Powell. Stations from all over Antarctica submitted their films. Each submission had to be created in 48 hours and contain a few required items like a cardboard box, a FNG (f'n new guy), and a line about not getting the day off for Midwinter's Eve. I think my two favorite films were done by the same person, Dave B. I'm not sure if they were my favorite when I watched them, but they are definitely my favorite now while I participate in the social experiment that is winterovers interacting with new people.


Dave B's The Welcome.


Dave B's Winter Toast.

It has been a roller coast ride since August 1st. That is when my work load really started picking up again. I had to get a bunch of things ready for the new people. However, so did everyone on base so their computer usage went up which led to more things breaking and more for me to fix. Throw in staying up way too late to say goodbye to old friends and I was getting pretty exhausted.

Over the winter, I was one of a few people to be in a building by themselves. I mostly enjoyed it which might be indicative of some problems with me (just kidding, well mostly). Despite any reservations that I had about having other people working in my shop again, it has been great. I have people to talk to and bounce ideas off of. The returning guys were able to jump right in where they left off. They immediately shifted some of the workload off of my back and while I didn't feel a slow day for the first couple weeks, I've finally had a few and just in time. I'm tired. I'm excited about the new people, but if I don't take care of myself I just can't enjoy them. I think I need a few more naps.

Making Snow

Will makes snow at -40F. Joe just gets wet.
If you boil water and throw it into air that is cold enough it turns into a mostly gaseous state. I'm not sure how much is snow and how much is gas, but either way it is cool. Thanks to Dan Perry who told me about this trick. Thanks to Will, Moose, and Joe who made a video of it.

This is the way winter ends

The first sunset of Winfly.
This is the way the [winter] ends
This is the way the [winter] ends
This is the way the [winter] ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.
Last stanza of The Hollow Men by T. S. Eliot (with the word winter replacing world)

At the end of summer, we all raised a glass to the start of winter. We quietly watched the last plane tip its wings before it flew north. We had a few days to contemplate the isolation we were about to begin facing. It was a nice slow gradual transition.


The first plane of Winfly means the end of winter.
The end of winter has come in a hurry and abruptly. There was no transition. The plane touched down at 1:34pm, the people came to town, and winter was very clearly over. No ceremony. No warning. Just boom. Done. People everywhere and a flurry of activity. I think some of us are whimpering.


Overlooking McMurdo as the new people arrive.
I guess there was warning. We've known the dates for months. I knew people were coming all along. I just didn't internalize how sudden it would be. I didn't realize that some of my friends were leaving. Lots of emotions from everyone on station. It is interesting to watch the reactions of people who have been wintering over.

I've seen some have their eyes darting around the room like a hunted rabbit. I've watched people who didn't talk at all over the winter consider standing up for other winterovers for solidarity's sake. People call to get a phone number and ask for the number by first name, but the new person doesn't know who that is yet. That is weird. Chances are that someone else is answering the phone at the numbers we regularly call. It catches us by surprise. Some people are just overwhelmed by the noise. Some people are no longer eating in the galley to avoid the noise and new people. Other people call work centers and ask for winterovers by name so that they can talk to people they know. People who didn't eat together over the winter are suddenly eating meals together because the familiar face they know is better than the one they don't. These are just a few of the many examples of what is going on. I imagine a lot of the reactions are the same as what happens when a small town is invaded by the national media. The one major difference is that we have a lot of old friends coming back.


The moon over McMurdo Sound.
I got to spend the night with a lot of those old friends at Katie Folts' birthday extravaganza. The USAP was nice enough to fly in 125 people to attend her birthday party. It was great to celebrate her birthday and reconnect with old friends. None of the new comers had to work the next day so they were more than happy to stay up late and celebrate.


Auroras.
I ducked out of Katie’s birthday a little early. I heard it was probably going to be our last chance to see good auroras so I got my gear and went out. I was a little disappointed. I could see the sky was clearly covered in auroras, but they were very faint due to the cloud cover and bright moon. It was still good to see them one last time.

Winter is done. The dark is fading. Friends are leaving. Other friends are arriving. I'm anxious about what I am doing when I leave. I'm excited about the change of pace. Winter was good, but I'm excited for what is next.

The End is Nigh

2008 McMurdo Winterovers.
Winter is almost over. In just two days, the first plane comes in. It should bring about a hundred people and take out six. In a weeks time our population will have almost tripled. I'm excited for the changes. I'll see old friends come back. A new energy will be injected into base. Fresh fruit! Mail! More sunlight every day!

Bad things are coming too. We have all been exposed to each other's germs. We aren't getting sick anymore. The new people will bring germs that are going to make many of us sick. As run down as I've made myself these past two weeks, I'm not looking forward to that. Roommates. A lot of people don't like it when everyone comes back. The new people bring too much energy, they cause change, they just don't relate to the winterover experience, and who knows what else.

I'm sticking to the positive. I think it is going to be a good experience. I'm looking forward to it. It is the beginning of the end. Now, I just need to decide if I am going to travel or not.


McMurdo Base at 5pm on September 2, 2008

This One's for Jay

Moose tosses a shoe at the monthly horseshoes tournament.
Once a month over the winter, we get a two day weekend. That means extra sleep, harder partying, and a double elimination horseshoes tournament. The tournament takes place in the Vehicle Maintenance Facility. They clear out a couple bays, board up the vehicles left behind (see the above picture), and then put in the horseshoe pits. Everyone is randomly assigned their partner when they show up.


It takes focus and determination to win when you've been drinking all day.
The tournament starts around noon and runs until it is done. Because there are only two pits and sixteen teams, there is a lot of downtime between rounds. Between games, you just eat, hang out, and heckle when the opportunity arises. They provide drinks, chips, chilies, and even light up the grill for dinner because the tournament can run so late. I'm terrible at horseshoes, but my teammate, Will, and I managed to win one game before losing two in a row to bow out. It was definitely a good time though.

I don't know many people my age who are good at horseshoes. It seems to be an earlier generation's game. The older guys at the tournament definitely seem to be better. That might just be years of playing down here, but I think it’s a little more than that. Any thoughts on that from playing back home, Jay?



Spending another weekend in style.

It Burns When I . . .

Yet another failed trip to see the sun, but I was close.
It burns when I stare directly into the sun. Yesterday, I finally saw it. After almost two weeks of failed attempts to get out and see sun, I had pretty much given up trying. I figured I'd just see the sun when it got to town. Lucky for me, a friend harassed me into joining him for a quick trip to his work center where they could see the sun. Fantastic!


The sun's quiet way of taunting me to get out for a hike.
All week, I had been seeing signs that the sun was clearly out. Some one would take a picture or the sun would illuminate some upper part of town. Unfortunately, I've been so busy fixing printers, computers, and getting ready for the tripling of our population next week that I just didn't have time to steal away to one of those higher parts of town. The one time I did get up to work on an antenna, the terrain blocked any view we might have. By the end of each work day, the sun was already gone so I couldn't head out for an after work hike. It was kind of demoralizing.


The sun was so bright it was blinding.
All that has stopped now. It's kind of odd. I don't think I ever stared at the sun over the summer. I think I just took it for granted. However, yesterday I stared at it until my face got too cold. Then, I went inside and stared at it until I got sun spots. I'm curious how long it will take me to take the sun for granted again. It is kind of shame, but I'm sure it will happen. Hopefully, I can take a time out to remember yesterday from time to time.

With the return of the sun, our temperatures will begin their slow climb back up. We've been regularly seeing the temperatures hover between -30F and -40F for the entire day for the past few weeks. We hit our low for the season of -45F ambient last week. Oddly enough, it didn't feel that cold because there was no wind that day. The more recent -25F day with a ton of wind felt much worse. According to our weather history, by the time I leave here we should be having days between -15F and -30F. That'll be so much warmer! Honest.


A new photography trick with the sun that B-Nelson showed me.

Something isn't Right.

We were waiting, but where is the plane?
Something isn't right this week. The sun supposedly came up on Tuesday. I didn't see it. I still haven’t seen it. A whole group of us took a trip out on Ivan to see the first sunrise. We saw nothing! Part of that is because it was tucked behind a mountain. Part of that was the clouds.


Riding out to see the first sunset.
The ride out to see the first sunset brimmed full of excitement. We wanted to see the sun. I had been hungering for this moment for months. Some people in town didn't care. They didn't miss the sun or simply were willing to wait until it came to them. For some, the ride out to Pegasus Airfield felt like the final ride before leaving the continent. We all had on our ECW gear. Some of us had our orange bags. We were heading to the airfield. The only thing missing was the plane when we arrived.


First sunrise. Wait for it. Wait for it. Keep waiting
The sun never became visible that first day. It did a great job of illuminating Mt. Erebus from behind though. We hoped that as it moved to the left down the ice tongue, we would be able to see it. Nothing. It was anticlimatic, but it was still fun to get out of town with friends on our lunch break.


Looking to the south, you could see a 'shadow' in the sky where Erebus blocked the sun light.
My trip out to see the second sunrise looked hopeful. It was pretty clear out. The sun would be up longer. I thought it was a sure thing. Unfortunately, some poor planning thwarted us. The sun rose at 11am so that is when we went out. However, it rose behind the mountain. We should have gone out at noon to see it when it had moved out from behind the mountain. We waited as long as we could and the sun was clearly just behind the Erebus ice tongue, but we couldn't see it. Tear. People who came out at 1pm did see it.

I made two more trips out to work on a computer at the airfield and each time tried to time it so that I'd get to see the sun. On the third trip, we were fogged in. On that same day at the same time, a friend did see a fuzzy orange ball behind the clouds from another vantage point. On the fourth trip, we turned back because the weather took a turn for the worse. It got so bad that we couldn't see more than a flag at a time and they were 10-20 yards apart. We took our time and slowly made it back to town.


Scott Base at night.
So after not seeing the sun for so many days, I gave up trying to see it. That isn't right. It is all I've talked about for the better part of a month. If I went out yesterday, I'm sure I would have seen it. Unfortunately, I had too much stuff to get done in town to make a trip out. Such is life. The sun will come to me, especially if I help it by making it out on a hike today.


Auroras during my Scott base shuttle shift.
The one thing that I thought would be the hardest on me over the winter was a lack of sun and I still stand by that. I've noticed serious improvements in my mood and attitude as the amount of sunlight has increased. Too bad the temperatures haven't followed suit. Two days ago the high was -33.9F. The low was -43.7F before the wind chill. That is our coldest yet this winter. The wind chill has regularly been -60F to -80F. I chose the wrong week to lose one of my glove liners.


Starry, starry night.
So if I'm been going through hardship for a lack of sunlight, can someone please explain to me why I'm so excited by the night? Something isn't right. I know I'm going to miss the Southern Cross, auroras, clear views of the Milky Way and Clouds of Magellan, and planet sightings. I'm finding myself staying up late a couple nights each week just to make sure I get a couple more chances to look up and be awed.

It's been a weird week, but a good week. Eleven days until the the first flight brings more people in. I'm excited.


Katie and Rachel on the Hut Ridge Trail under the last full moon.

Nacreous Clouds

The crazy cloud invasion (photo by B-nelson).
Over the past couple weeks, we have seen some spectacular cloud formations. They are some of the best I've seen in my life. They are mostly caused by the rising sun illuminating the nacreous clouds against a contrasting sky. Unfortunately, getting a picture is just about impossible. The brightest parts of the clouds require a short exposure, the regular clouds a longer one, and the ground the longest one. The human eye is the best camera ever and none of these pictures truly do the experience justice.


Probably my best picture because it has the blue sky, bright clouds, and a little foreground.
We don't get these clouds in the middle of the day. They mostly appear at 'sunset'. They are supposed to appear at sunrise too, but I haven't seen any yet. I'll keep my eyes open. The rest of this blog is quoted and paraphrased from an explanation by Bec in the WWTP about nacreous clouds. She's knows a lot more about this stuff than I could ever know.


Clouds over McMurdo Sound (there should be blue sky at the top).
The nacreous color of the cloud is a result of diffraction of light through ice crystals in the clouds. In themselves, nacreous clouds are not too uncommon, and can be seen in mid-high latitudes when the atmosphere is cold enough to freeze the droplets of water in the clouds. The nacreous clouds that we see at this time of year in Antarctica though, are a special variety of nacreous cloud – a type 2 polar stratospheric cloud (PSC).


Nacreous clouds over McMurdo Sound.
PSCs are unique to the polar regions. As their name implies, they form in the stratosphere, between 10 and 25 km (6.2 - 15.5 miles). They also only form when stratospheric temperatures get below about -110F. There are several types of PSCs, containing some combination of nitric acid, sulfuric acid and water. The clouds we observed on Monday were type 2 PSCs, which are pure ice – these form in the coldest conditions (-120 F), and are thus the most uncommon. Because they are so high up (Mondays were approximately 20-22 km (13 miles), as determined by the Crary LIDAR), the sunlight is able to hit them before it hits us here on the ground, giving us spectacular light shows. The wavy look of them is due to wave action in the stratosphere, which is often associated with type 2 PSC formation.


Nacreous Clouds over Arrival Heights.
You may have heard that these beautiful clouds are the cause of the ozone hole. This is only partly true – there were PSCs long before there was an ozone hole (sightings are recorded in the diaries of the first winter-over group). However they are a key ingredient because chlorine gases are able to react in the clouds and produce ClO which eventually goes onto react with the ozone. It can destroy thousands of ozone atoms. In November/December, the warmer, ozone rich air will flood into the region and the hole will disappear.


More crazy clouds that are missing the bluer skies.

Hot Tub Tuesday!

Nacreous clouds over McMurdo Base from right outside my office.
Tuesday was the first day that I've seen a lot of nacreous clouds over town. I thought they were always colorful, but apparently they only get their colors if sunlight can reach them. You can see a little bit of color if you click on the picture to zoom in on the upper right clouds. When the sun is closer to or above the horizon, the light should be able to reach the clouds and light them up.


Steam room?
Unfortunately, I didn't get out for a hike on Tuesday to take any pictures, but I did get to spend some time in a hot tub. We've had one all winter, but I just never made it a priority to go. I think it had to do with getting wet and then needing to go back outside to get to my dorm. I was finally talked into it on Tuesday.


Mosquito net or ambiance (yes, there was cheap editing done to this photo)?
The hot tub was much better than I expected. I thought it would just be a small, dark room with a hot tub. It was much more. It had a small hot tub, of course, stereo, table, towel rack, couch, and even a little room to stretch out if you liked your neighbors. It was hotter than hot and I was in there for so long that my toes got raisined for the first time in almost a year. Definitely a good time and the damp scurry back to my room wasn't that bad either.


Happy hot tubber.

Sunday Night Surprise

The brightest aurora I have ever seen.
On Sunday night as I was heading home to bed, I saw the brightest auroras that I have ever seen in my life. I was walking across DJ to my dorm and could see a white cloud moving above me. Normally, a half moon is enough to obscure any auroras. If the full moon doesn't do it, then the street lights in town certainly will so I was astounded when that cloud started moving up and down like an aurora.


Auroras over the Hut Ridge Trail.
I rubbed my eyes to make sure they weren't playing tricks. When they weren't, I ran the rest of the way home, put on my ECW, and then grabbed a bicycle to head down to Hut Point. I could see the auroras from town so I figured they would be even better from a darker spot. They faded quickly, but didn't disappoint one bit. The aurora over the ice runway was so bright it lit up the ice a little bit. I thought I imagined it, but I was told by someone who has seen brighter auroras in Anchorage that they can do that. Apparently, Anchorage is right in an auroral oval so they regularly get fantastic displays that dwarf what we get here.


Menacing fog . . .
I was out less than an hour before the auroras faded and a fog moved into town. I'm not sure why, but we've had a bunch of fog this week. It might be the colder temperatures. Today, we are down to -32F/-76F wind chill. It is a good day to be an indoor PC Tech. The fleet ops are working hard.

This post is for Nancy who can't seem to get enough aurora pictures.

Recently Expired Everything

A box outside our retail store.
As most of you know, the expiration dates on many goods are flexible. You can usually eek a few more days out of milk and even more out of other goods. It all depends how far you are willing to go. Down here, the frozen dry climate lets us go much farther. Consequently, most of the food we eat is expired.

The bulk of our supplies are shipped to us once a year in February via container vessel. The supplies that fill those containers arrive in Port Hueneme, CA year round. If an order gets there in March, we won't see it on ice until the following February. Then, the winter crew will unpack it for use. However, it could be used anytime up to and including the next February after that - almost a full TWO YEARS after the item was purchased. People often talk about ‘The Winter of Flank Steak’ or some other time period where they were trying to get rid of stockpiled food that was even older than two years.

I've heard all types of stories that go along with our expired goods. One day, the store was stocking tortilla chips and decided what they were stocking couldn't go on the shelves. Why? It wasn't expired yet and they had a lot of other expired things that they had to get on the shelves and out the door. The box at the top of this blog is from the store. I can't even guess how old Ramen noodles have to be before they are put in that box. Just last night, they were giving out free packages of Lay's Stax. When I asked someone how old they were, they said they weren't too bad, only September 2007. Eleven months past expiration isn’t too bad? Back home, I think that would raise a few eyebrows. Down here, it’s normal.

Over the summer, I heard that since we were serving up expired and cheap quality fish, a cook was tasked with seeing if they cook it and make it edible. I heard it passed. The flip side to all of these expired goods is that unless someone told me what we had was expired, I wouldn’t have known. That might be because I eat so many preservative filled meals at home or that I'm just clueless. Maybe a little of both.


A view that will also soon expire. Am I going to miss the dark skies?

It is Getting Windy!

Looking back towards town, the Pegasus airfield, and Mt. Discovery from Castle Rock.
I have tried writing this blog about five times now and I never seem to finish. The basic theme is that the weather is getting nasty. Last week, four out of seven days had a low temperature below -30F. The worst was -41.5F around 4pm last Friday. If the temperature isn't cold enough, then the wind is blowing to make sure we feel it.


B-Nelson after our Castle Rock hike in a balmy -20F. (Yes, that has begun to feel warm)
The sun comes up in just seven days and it will bring the worst weather of the year. This is the coldest part of the year because the sun has been gone the longest. Even after we start to see the sun, there is a lag before it really warms up. It is the same thing back home. The coldest day of the year isn't the shortest day. It is usually sometime after that in January or February. We get more wind this time of year because the sun will be bringing in more warm air. When that warm air meets the cold air, we can get breezes and storms. I'm sure someone more meteorologically minded, like Sheetal, can give you a better explanation.


McMurdo Base from Observation Hill.
Last week, as we approach this nasty weather, my Big Red finally quit. The zipper just refused to stay shut. If it zipped up at all, the bottom usually opened up. Not pleasant and since it was one of the coldest weeks for me yet, really not pleasant. Luckily, the BFC has some extras. My new jacket is more of a medium red, but it is working for me so far. One of the first days that my Big Red stopped working was on my last Ob Hill hike. The wind was blowing down to -51F and was so strong it actually pushed me down the hill at some points. I don't know the last time that wind actually moved me. I think that may have only happened because I was on a downhill though. Either way, pretty neat. I was glad to be off the hill.


Looking north from the Hut Point.
My final hike two weeks ago was on Sunday. Raja, B-Nelson, and I went out on the Ridge. I was hoping to do more, but the blowing wind took away my motivation. The colors on the horizon were great as always, but we are starting to lose them at noon. The best colors are getting pushed back later and later in the day. That is kind of unfortunate for my lunch time hikes. In about a week, I should be able to go after work and catch those same colors.


Looking north from the Hut Ridge Loop trail.
On our hike, I learned something new about the trail. Raja informed B-Nelson and I about the make out spot. She said people like to hang out there because there isn't that much wind. I think we sat there for about five minutes trying to get warm. There was plenty of wind and we moved on quickly, but I'm keeping that spot in mind for next time I want to help someone get that Dentyne Icy Fresh breath without the gum.


Raja and B-Nelson are at the 'make out' spot, but not making out. Huh?

When I finally leave . . . .

I just read this interesting post by Keri that mentions life when you get back home. It makes me a little anxious. I've known something like this was coming as I've watched some of my relationships fade while others have blossomed. Reintegrating to home is never easy after being away for so long. Life has moved on even though we've left.

---

Here is the part that interested me about Keri's post:
It is this sense of displacement, post-Antarctica. The feeling that you have one foot in two worlds, so different from each other that functioning well in one takes a completely different skill set than functioning well in the other. I've been lucky enough to see many Antarctica friends, and touch base with even more over the summer, and I think we all feel this way to some degree. For some, it hits us with deep, inexplicable sadness. Depression. Inertia. We emerge from the ice completely changed as people, and our relationships with the people in the "real world" have changed profoundly -- some in very positive ways, and some in very negative ways. If you are a first-time Antarctican reading this blog to find out what life's all about, be prepared for this. Maybe it will make it easier to not be taken so by surprise. But maybe not -- it's a feeling shared by many of my second and third season friends as well.

I realized today that in the last couple of weeks, I've finally, FINALLY, felt like I am a complete, functioning person in the "real world" again.

---

An Example of Not Thinking

I thought it would be fun to put up some e-mails that I received last week to illustrate the point that we can't think and continue to make fun of it. The best part is that we still manage to understand what each other means even when the wrong words come out - though I have to admit this e-mails took a couple readings.

From: R in response to this.
That was lovely. Loved the pics. In fact I was easily distracted by them and kept forgetting to read everything else. It is crazy how many times I chuckle in agreement or sit here shaking my head yes because it all makes so much sense. I immediately start thinking of my own instances and then realize I have stopped reading again which makes me think....here is another good example of getting off track....it is a visicous cycle. Have you also changed at all how you write because the spelling of a word just doesn't come to you? Like just now with visicous....I know that is spelled wrong but I am obviously so far from it that the spell check cannot even figure out what I am trying to say. Normally I would just change completely what I am saying but you get my point, right? Maybe it is too far off for even you to understand what I am trying to say but the word means something like mean.
Ok I just read this and I don't know that it will make sense to you, but oh well. I could delete it all and just write That was lovely, but no one will know that this just took me 10 minutes to write this. No joke. Maybe this is, at least for me, another good point to bring up when e-mailing. How are we supposed to get good information and an informative e-mail out when it takes 10 minutes just to realize you wrote about nothing.
I should stop now....
R


From: R
I have dedcided to not delete anything that I write but instead go back and put it in red, unless it is for business. I really wonder how much time I am spending deleting things because of misspellingas or just becuase the thought went nowhere. It is my new study and challenge to you all. Maybe this is more my downfall than others but I find myself trying to write something, sometimes three or four times. Of course now I seem to be doing it quite eloquently, but yea. You should all do this to your friends and everyone. Perfect example...I would have erased that whole last sentence. I plan to do it to all my e-mails so people can see how often I either change my mind or just spell stuff wrong. Maybe then I can visualize why it takes so long to put things oin papere-mail. Ok this could be a bad idea. To go bak and highlight takes MUCH longer in fact this is a stupid e-mail.
Alright I am not erasing it (please imagine the whole paragraph above in red)....instead I will send it onto you all but please don't be scared. I swear I am not as mentally crazy as I may appear. Kinda like the mirror...Objects are closer than they appear. Although maybe it should be the other way around...People here (aka me) are crazier than they appear. This is almost creppy creepy because although I am telling you all nothing, at the same time I feel like I am opening you all to my mind sharing too much.
Please do not respond back. I feel I might try to respond sanely (I KNOW, that is a relative term) back and then another masterpiece from [R] herself might end up in all of your Inboxes.
Make it all stop...
I WANT TO GO HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You know who it is...its me the psycho chick